The Therapy called "Baking"

“The measuring and mixing always smoothed out her thinking processes - nothing was as calming as creaming butter - and when the kitchen was warm from the oven overheating and the smell of baking chocolate, she took final stock of where she'd been and where she was going. Everything was fine.” ― Jennifer Crusie, Maybe This Time

The kitchen has always been the most important space in my home. It started when I was seven. Here I would concentrate to make the perfect round roti while my sister would be re-living her geography classes in school by making “continental” flatbreads! (She is an amazing cook though and would prefer to have a roti maker to ease her off the distress of making them round!). My love for the kitchen as a space to innovate started under the auspices of my paternal grandmother. Though a dominating personality when it comes to handling the day to day life in a Bengali kitchen (or the “he(n)shel”), my paternal grandmother had an amazing flair for creating the perfect recipe; be it making the round, white luchi (deep-fried flatbread made out of refined flour) with kosha mangsho (spicy Bengali mutton curry), an orange sponge cake for our birthdays or patishapta (Bengali sweet recipe where flour-semolina pancakes are stuffed with coconut or kheer). I saw her completely transformed when she was in the kitchen, a space where she spent a large part of her time due to her husband’s (my paternal grandfather) immense appetite. It is from her that I imbibed a love for this space.

Little did I know that this space with a 40 liter oven (OTG) would help me overcome one of the most difficult times of my life! An 11 year relationship came to an end leaving me to be a single parent to my one and half year old daughter! Professionally I had just started my PhD research and had no clue about how to juggle between my daughter and work. I lost support at a time when I needed it the most. I moved out of the house full of memories to start afresh. But a lot more had to be done to sort out my life both personally and professionally. A 9 to 5 crèche for my daughter helped me get back to work and I completely immersed myself into this routine. But the past always has its way of lingering within our lives. The emotional turmoil within me found peace in the warmth of my kitchen and I would eventually calm down making a roast capsicum and basil pasta sauce or a shepherd’s pie for dinner! 

I soon realized that I could release the intense pain into something easily digestible-say a green apple, honey, cinnamon cake or a set of orange mocha muffins or a caramel custard. And with this started my rendezvous with baking. When memories started sneaking in, I moved to the kitchen and spent all the energy to whip up a perfect recipe for a bake. Baking became an addiction and many a times I would end up baking every single day in a week! Thus started the saga of carrot cakes, beetroot cakes, cinnamon pumpkin muffins, apple crumble, peanut butter and chocolate chip oats cookies, apple pie, chocolate ganache cake, banana walnut cake, Earl-Grey tea cake (my sister’s recipe), cinnamon chocolate brownies, baked custard and many more. Sometimes a hung-curd cheese cake or a no-bake chocolate-strawberry ganache tart would find its way in special occasions. My addiction led me to slowly accumulate some of the baking essentials over a period of time. Silicone moulds of different shapes (some bought and some gifted by my sister) poured in along with piping bags, cookie cutters and basting brushes. But one of the best buys I’ve had till now is a Bodum Bistro Mix and Bake set from TESCO for an incredible discounted price of eight pounds! A Pinterest account opened up a whole range of baking recipes and ample scope for improvisation.

Kuhu's birthday cake: Chocolate cinnamon whole wheat and ragi cake topped with butter-cream frosting, chocolate vermicelli and  colourful sprinklers

Earl Grey tea cake baked for a birthday

Chocolate-strawberry ganache tart

Cheese capsicum and black pepper muffins with Italian seasoning

Cinnamon choco-chip muffins

Mini apple pies

After a daylong work, baking was extremely therapeutic and I eagerly awaited for this mesmerizing experience back home. As the cake rose in the oven releasing the aroma, I felt as if all my agony vanished into thin air making me feel lighter and at peace! In the last two years, my OTG has been a constant companion and baking has been the most nourishing experience both for my heart and mind. Through the course, I have been able to realize one of the most important lesson in life: that nothing is permanent; and the sooner we accept this the better it is. Baking worked like a therapy for me, it helped me calm down and instilled the confidence back in me. Two years down the line, I see myself as a person who is more self-reliant and accepting of life the way it is. And somewhere through the whole experience, I realized that one has to find their own path to being happy and baking surely helped find my way :)